Thursday, August 18, 2005

To wax Lovecraftian...

And lo, in the beginning there was a database created to automate the creation of accounts for new lusers. And that database was not good... perhaps because they couldn't hire anyone new without it. Evolutionists argued that it sucked because it had formed in a vacuum. Creationists debated that it was the work of a mad god. Regardless, because this Account Creation System (ACS) came first, all those who came thereafter would not touch it, for then they would be damned with responsibility for it. For these reasons it seems, no one dared try to supplant or improve it. It was merely maintained dogmatically

Currently there is no end-user documentation for navigating the ACS. It's not known whether the documentation was never created, or simply destroyed because it was mistaken for the work of Satanists. Often lusers will call into the helpdesk, wailing "Woe unto me for I have undertaken a new employee! Please, please, guide me through this trenchant Lovecraftian abyss!"

Grizzled veteran rangers of the helpdesk often respond to these pleas, by passing on what motes of knowledge they have gained from previous sorties of this type. Helpdesk n00bies usually run shrieking in fear. Management remains unable to grasp the problems at hand because unlike the troops in the trenches, management has actually had to use the damned ACS, and therefore have withered their souls with the knowledge gained via the practice of this black art.

And thus is how it has been....

Today we entered a paradox though. A luser called in for help with the ACS and was denied by a n00b. The lack of policy considering the ACS allows this. The ACS has no chain of responsibility, which does have it's advantages. Unfortunately, said n00b didn't disavow support by invoking their freedom. Instead said n00b said "I don't know", which shattered the poor luser's faith in a structured and orderly computer world. The luser ran to their O&I contact* and prayed "Woe to me for I am forsaken!" And the O&I contact brandished their poisoned barb and with it stung the helpdesk's boss upon bosses. And then the helpdesk's boss upon bosses bestirred from his remote and obscured vantage point. And then the boss upon bosses down his mighty words saying "Naughty naughty helpdesk! You do not let the lusers know that there is nothing but chaos! Lie to them and coddle them! Otherwise you're all in it deep!"

The rage then passed. And things went back to normal. And the ACS kept spinning in its place, it's grim entrails an effrontery to god....

...okay, this is so going to be the last time I surf Lovecraftian topics on Wikipedia all day. L8r!

* O&I? Obstruction and Interference? Obfuscation and Irritation?


Blogger N. said...

This really turned me on, no kidding. You should "wax Lovecraftian" at home.

Speak Lovecraftian to me, Baby, oh yeah. Who's your Cthulu?

I know I spelled that wrong.

12:00 AM  

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