Next up: Finding your ass... with both hands at once!

ME: Okay, I'm going to have to send deskside support out. What building are you in?
CALLER: Oh, I don't know, you know the south side of the lot?
ME: I'm in Pennsylvania. You're in Texas.
CALLER: Oh... well... it's the old engineering building.
ME: Is that what it's known as?
CALLER: Oh, I don't know. Perhaps.
ME: Is that the official name of the building?
CALLER: Well, it once was the central engineering building.
ME: Well, what do people call it? I need to tell people where you are.
CALLER: Can you just take people's names?
ME: I've got your name here, but I'd like to get a building name too.
CALLER: Well, actually, I was going to say John Smitty's name. Everybody knows him. I work near him.
ME: *thinking "I don't know John Smitty, asswipe"*

Another failure to communicate

ME: Okay, and what's your room number?
CALLER: Ummm, uhhh...
ME: That's okay, not every room has a number.
CALLER: Okay.
ME: Would your room happen to have a title?
CALLER: *immediately* Oh! That's F-one-eleven-dash-two!
ME: *hiding sarcasm* That's the title?
CALLER: Oh yeah.

Figure it out for yourself

ME: Okay, I want you to plug your laptop into one of the empty sockets on your router.
CALLER: Do you want me to pull out one of the cords that's already there?
ME: No, use one of the empty sockets.
CALLER: Do you want me to use a new cable?
ME: ...do you have one?
CALLER: No.

Issues much?

CALLER: That's MOTHER-IDIOT-XRAY-PETER-PETER

Sounds like a gay old time...

CALLER: That's Stephen-Paul-Oyster-Victor

Why I drink

ME: ...okay, and after you click that button you'll have reset your password. Do have you have any other questions?
CALLER: But what do I do in five days?
ME: Huh? What happens in five days?
CALLER: My password expires
ME: What password?
CALLER: This password
ME: What told you that.
CALLER: The warning
ME: *takes a few seconds thinking* You mean the one you received before we walked you through resetting your password?
CALLER: Yeah.
ME: You reset your password. It's no longer expired.
CALLER: But it will in five days?
ME: No
CALLER: So it doesn't expire?
ME: Well, it will, but in about a month.
CALLER: So what do I do in five days.
ME: Nothing, it's not going to expire
CALLER: But what if it expires?
ME: *whimpers*

No, no it doesn't say that

ME: And what happens when you try to log in? Do you get an error?
CALLER: It says it's sensitive.

More fun spellings

CALLER: No, that's KXS as in kitten x-ray sam

Those in charge of naming shall be shot

CALLER: Yeah, I'm having problems connecting my FAD to my Agile.
ME: Huh?
CALLER: Yeah, I put in the URL and it doesn't work.
ME: *searches knowledge base* FAD?
CALLER: Yeah, I don't know why it isn't working.
ME: *can't find it* FAD?
CALLER: Yeah.
ME: F-A-D?
CALLER: That's it.
ME: *still no idea*