Friday, April 28, 2006

Logic fault

ME: Okay, when you click that option a new window's going to open up. There's going to be a large white box in it. I want you to tell me how many lines of entries there are in that window.
CALLER: I don't see any large white box. There's no large white box. There's two white boxes and one of them is pink.

Thursday, April 27, 2006


ME: That's Victor-Delta-Bravo?
CALLER: No, that's Victor Peanut Butter.

Is there anybody out there?

ME: Okay, could you open up Internet Explorer for me?
**Long silence**
ME: Did you open Internet Explorer?
ME: Okay, because I don't know unless you tell me. Now we're going to test your internet access. Let's try going to
**Long silence**
ME: Did you type in You'll need to put that in up in the address bar at the top of the screen.
CALLER: Uh... wait...
**Long silence**
ME: Did you type that in?
ME: Okay, you're going to have to tell me when you do things, or else I don't know. Okay?
**Long silence**
ME: Ok? Hello?

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Pertinent? No. Juicy? Yes

CALLER: Do you know Roger Plaga? P-L-A-G-A?
ME: Uhh, not really, although I do know the name.
CALLER: Well... He's a jerk!

Friday, April 21, 2006


ME: Hi, how can I help you?
CALLER: Hi, I just got my laptop back from being upgraded last night. I put it in the docking station and turned it on. Now it's giving me a prompt asking me to choose my hardware configuration. My options are "Undocked" and "Wireless". This is an old laptop. It doesn't even have wireless! And I'm in a docking station! What the heck?!
ME: *laughs* Sorry, that was funny.

Overheard in Twitsburgh

*Overheard while on the phone with a caller*
VOICE #1: Why's your computer that way?
VOICE #2: Well, I couldn't reach the USB ports, so I turned that sucker upside-down

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Missing the point entirely

CALLER: That's N as in Nick, D as in Dick
ME: N as in Nancy, D as in David?
CALLER: No, that's V as in Vic
ME: V as in Victor?
CALLER: That's right.
ME: So that's V as in Victor, D as in David?
CALLER: No, that's N as in Nick, D as in Dick
ME: N as in Nancy, D as in David?
CALLER: No, that's V as in Vic
ME: *sighs*

Monday, April 17, 2006

What you say?!?!?

CALLER: That new password you gave me... is that lowercase or centercase?

She refuses to believe that nobody loves her

ME: How can I help you?
CALLER: My email is broken
ME: Okay, are you receiving any error messages?
CALLER: No. It's just not receiving
ME: Okay, I'm going to send you a test email, did you get it?
ME: Do you know if anybody sent you any email that you might have not received?
ME: So there weren't any emails that you know you missed?
ME: So why is your email broken again?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

At work today, I went to the kitchenette for a cup of coffee. I staggered in to find that they've gone and replaced our coffee makers for the 3rd time since we moved into this building. Gone are the machines which took the little white pouches of ground coffee. They've been replaced with larger countertop monoliths, to which you feed a sealed plastic Dixie cup in order to receive some coffee pissed into your cup. The plastic Dixie cup then disappears into the innards of the machine, where they wind up in a rather undersized trash bin, which is a devil to extricate and dump out.

Already one of the two machines has ceased functioning, and sits there non-responsive, firm in its belief that it's emptied cup bin is actually overflowing. As several people gathered around to inpect the new machinery, one man announced that if the malfunctioning machine was unplugged for a short time, that it would dispense a single cup of coffee before going offline again.

At this point, some wag in the group quipped "Oh god, now we have to reboot the coffee machine too?"

Bonus: A moment later, a woman told me with a very straight face that a Starbucks is going to be put in the basement.

Monday, April 10, 2006


ME: Was that F as in Frank?
CALLER: No... that's S... as in... suuuuuure.

Freakin Freudian!

ME: Ok, I'm going to need to send out a desktop tech to take a look at that issue. It sounds like you're having a hardware problem
CALLER: Okay, will it be possible for when someone drops by for them to maybe load some software and hooker... er uh, hook up some printers to it?

Hope floats (on a sea of idiocy)

CALLER: It says that I need an 8 letter password. Can I still get away with 7?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

We join our idiocy already in progress, as I help a caller set up their their account.

ME: now you'll need to select a PIN number. This is a number, so it has to be all numeric. No letters.
CALLER: Am I expected to remember this?
ME: *chokes* Er... yeah... (duh)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Well, that narrows it down to B, D, P, V or maybe G

CALLER WITH THICK GERMAN ACCENT: That's B.. as in, uh, boy? M as in a Mary. D as in... whatever, you know what I mean!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Looking for a loophole?

ME: Okay, try logging on now
CALLER: Uh... It says "change password"
ME: Okay, so choose a new password
CALLER: Uh... can I use the same one.
ME: No, it says chaaange password