Remote field User: I need to have a printer installed. I need admin rights
Me: Okay, I'll need to send a ticket to your field support team
Remote field user: Okay, so who should I call
Me: You would call us
Remote field user: But how do I get the printer installed?
Me: They'll call you
Remote field user: But who do I call?
Me: You should call us.
Remote field user: How would I get the rights then?
Me: They will call you.
Remote field user: But how would I get in touch with them?
Me: You should call us.
Remote field user: How do I speak with them?
Me: You should call us.
Remote field user: But if I need to get in touch with them?
Me: You should call us.
Remote field user: But who do I speak with in order to get this taken care of?
Me: carefully using same intonationYou should call us.

One scenic letter...

Me: So was that "O" as in Omaha, or "O" as in zero?
Caller: Looks like Omaha to me...

Hint #1:

Before calling the ServiceDesk, try connecting your router to the modem with an actual ethernet cable. Invisible magic fairies are no substitute for CAT5.

Things I would love to say on the phone....

Caller: I'm logging onto the system for the first time, but I don't know what my password is...
Me: Mwahahaha! Then you're not really logging on! That's funny!

Spellchecker much?

Me: I'm sorry, was that last letter "X" as in "X-ray"?
Caller: Yes, but that's not how it's spelled.

Because then it would be called a briefcase!

Caller: Well, you know those little SecurID hard plastic tokens?
Me: Yeah
Caller: Apparently they're too big to leave on your keyboard when you shut your laptop... my screen's broken

Say what?!

User: (SPELLING) MARY ROBERT BALLS
Myself: Beg pardon?
User: BALLS
Myself: I'm sorry, I didn't hear that last letter, could you say it again?
User: Paul
Myself: (FEELS SUSPICIOUS)

Nomenclature... always the nomenclature....

User: ...so I tried pasting, but then it wouldn't paste, and now my email's gone!
Myself: Okay, so we'll need to pull that from a back up. I'll need the last known good date.
User: ...
Myself: So when was your email last known to be... good?
User: Oh, my email is working just fine. I just lost a few things that were sent to me.
Myself: Uh right, so when was your email still there?
User: Oh, it's here right now.
Myself: I thought you said you lost email.
User: Oh no, I lost several.
Myself: Okay. So you lost email...
User: (INTERRUPTING) Several.
Myself: Uh... I was always told that you could just said 'email' if it was one or multiple.
User: (CURIOUS) Oh? Okay.
Myself: So you lost your email around when?
User: Oh, last hour, hour and a half, two...
Myself: Er, right, so if someone was going back and trying to find out when your email was still there, when would they look? Two hours?
User: I think it was around then.
Myself: (FINALLY VICTORIOUS) We'll call it three to be safe.

Security though redundancy?

Man, I just counted all of my passwords. I have at least 63 different ones for at work. Oh, and then there's three separate PIN numbers on top of that.

So stop coming to me because you can't handle 3 to five!