Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The paperless office is incompatible with the retarded office

ME: How can I help you?
CALLER: I'm having problems with my personal performance review and plan (PPRP). I sent my first draft to my boss, and she never sent it back to me. Now the computer's telling me that I need to submit my final copy.
ME: Okay, so you filled out the PPRP online and sent it to your boss, and she never sent it back to you with her comments on it?
CALLER: Yeah... well, no. She printed it out and wrote her comments on it that way.
ME: *impressed by the industriousness of the stupid* Okay... well, then she's going to have to type them in.
CALLER: But I already typed up another copy of my PPRP!
ME: Huh?
CALLER: It was such a pain. I went into MS Word and I typed it all up... and I formatted it so it looked exactly the same... And I did all of the sections over the way that she asked me to.
ME: *even more impressed* Oookay...
CALLER: Yeah, so I printed that out and gave it to her, and now the computer wants me to do another one. My boss wants me to send her a new online thingy again so she can approve it for me.
ME: Uh.. *pause* well, she really should just be able to do that with the first link that was sent to her. Does she still have it?
CALLER: Oh no, she can't do that. She already used that one to write all the bad stuff that I'm not allowed to see.
ME: *surrender*

** What I wish I could say **
So let me get this straight: You needed to put some gas in your car. To do this, your boss built a crude ship from popsicle sticks and post-it notes. Then you strung up sails made of motivational posters and report cover sheets. You then sailed to the Middle East and indentured yourself in exchange for oil, which you then refined into gas using Brita water filters and Diet Caffeine Free Mountain Dew. Now you're asking us to help you get the gas home?


Post a Comment

<< Home